The Seventh Friend
by Cyclone Harmony
Summary: What if there was another friends other than the main six? How might the story change? Self-insert fanfic. Monica/Chandler, Ross/Rachel, Phoebe/Mike
1. TOW Phoebe's Husband

**A/N: Welcome to the FRIENDS fanfic. Just a few things before we start. My character's, Daniel, description is nothing like I am in real life just FYI. I shall endeavor to do this story justice since FRIENDS is one of my favorite tv shows. Reviews are always appreciated but there is no need to be nasty with them. If you don't like the story then do not read it. I do this because I like it and it passes the time for me. My plan for this story is an episode per chapter and to make it last until the season finale unless I can change certain events in which case it may end earlier. It is rated M for safety in case of crude language. This story begins immediately after the events of S02E03 - TOW Mr. Heckles Dies. Thank you and enjoy :).**

* * *

Finally! The Big Apple! Time to start a new chapter in my life. Such a beautiful and vibrant city! I can already tell there are going to be so many adventures to be had.

My name is Daniel. I'm a six foot tall guy with brown hair and eyes and a body like Brad Pitt, if I do say so myself. I just got transferred here for work and I don't start for at least 2 weeks since the company wanted me to get settled first. So first things first: food. I'm starving and I need fuel before I can even think of looking for an apartment. Oh look! There's a coffee shop called Central Perk. That's actually really funny.

Opening the door and stepping in you can tell that this place has a nice homey feel to it. Especially with a big orange couch sitting right in the middle like it was the centerpiece of a tv sitcom. Taking a seat in a comfy armchair by the couch, a waitress approaches with a swaying step.

"Hi. My name is Rachel and I'll be your waitress today! What can I get you?"

"Hi. I'm Daniel and I would like a mocha latte with a chocolate muffin. Also would you happen to know if there are any vacancies in any of the apartments nearby. I just moved into town and I don't know what is a good place to live yet?"

"OK. I'll have that order right out and actually my apartment building right next door has an apartment available. The previous tenant just died of a heart attack a couple of days ago and we just finished cleaning it out this afternoon."

"Wow that sounds great! I was really dreading to have to go through a grueling search but that really helps and if I get to be neighbors with someone as beautiful as you, then that won't be a hardship at all."

She smiled."Well, give me a couple of minutes and I'll right back with your order and I can tell you about the apartment. My friends should be here soon and they'll help."

"That's great! I can't wait to meet them." She nodded and walked off with my order.

A couple of seconds later a group of 5 people walked in. 3 guys and 2 girls and headed straight for the orange couch and the side table on the opposite side. The brown haired guy came in telling a joke about something and the reactions were varied. The blonde haired and the black haired girl giggled but the latter also rolled her eyes a little bit. The shorter black haired man looked confused for a minute while the others laughed, then all of them laughed when the shorter man got the joke.

At that moment, Rachel walked towards them. "Hi guys! Everything all finished with the apartment?"

"Yeah everything is finished Rach. Everything is all organized and put away in its proper place," the black-haired girl replied.

"Well that's great because I have actually already found an applicant for it. Everybody meet Daniel," she pointed to me. Everybody looked at me and boy did I feel like a bacteria under a microscope. "Daniel, these are my friends, Joey, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe, and Monica." I shook all the guys hands "Nice to meet you guys." When I turned to the girls, Phoebe and Monica looked me up and down and I replied, "Well they say that beautiful women travel in groups and I knew Rachel had to have her own when she mentioned her friends. Nice to meet you both." I kissed the back of their hands. I could see the blushes on their faces and I felt really proud of myself. I turned to the guys and I could tell that Joey was proud and Chandler was amused. Ross is harder to read but I get the feeling that he is judging me.

"Oh my God. There are two of them," Chandler said. "So tell me Daniel, how do you know Rachel?"

"I actually just met her a minute before all of you walked in. I'm new in the city and was looking for a place to stay. I just got transferred to Rockefeller Research Labs."

"What kind of work do you do there?" Ross said.

"I've got a PhD in Biology and we primarily do research on diseases and other medical problems and come up with ways to combat them. I actually haven't even started yet. The company gave me 2 weeks to get settled before I came in."

"Hey Daniel, where did you move away from?"

"Well Joe, let me tell ya. I hail from the great state of…" I clap my hands 4 times "..Texas!" They all look at me like I'm crazy. "NO. You guys have never seen the 3 Stooges?! I thought at least Chandler the funny man would have seen it?" Still looking at me like I'm crazy. "Wow tough crowd. …Moving on. I'm from Texas where the cattle roam free and we have lot of space to go horse back riding, which seems to be something I'm going to have to get used to living in the city."

"We'll help you get used to it. We can categorize all of the best places in the city to visit from the most interesting to the least interesting, and then we could…" Monica looked around the group. "Was I rambling again?," turning back to me, "I tend to babble just interrupt me if I do."

"So, Daniel, have you always been sexy?" Everybody just gaped at Phoebe.

I laughed. "You know, I'd like to think that I was born sexy but working on a farm with big animals such as cows and horses certainly helps."

"Ok guys, I am done with my shift. Daniel, would you like to come see the apartment now?"

"Yeah that will be perfect. Ready whenever you guys are. Oh, wait can't forget my muffin."

"YES! Thank you. Finally someone understands the love of food!"

"Alright, let's go!" This looks to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"So, this is the apartment…definitely smaller than I expected. Still it is a two bedroom, with a decent sized kitchen and living so I can't complain too much." I said looking around. "Anything special I need to know about this apartment?"

"Yes, you see the tenants right above you make a lot of noise. They always have people coming over and eating their food. It's owned by two women and of course they have their "gentlemen" callers. So it's practically free porn!" said Chandler with a smirk to Monica and Rachel.

"Chandler!" They said at the same time. Ross, Joey, and Phoebe started laughing.

"Well if they make too much noise then I can just pop in for a visit, and calmly berate them before I then ask for forgiveness and have totally amazing makeup sex!" I said wiggling my eyebrows.

They blushed before both yelling "Daniel!" while Phoebe said "Damn, I should have never moved out."

"Oh man, this is going to be so much fun!" Chandler said.

Over the next week I hung out with the six friends and slowly became integrated into the group. It is kind of hard not to when they are such fun loving people and they are pretty awesome to be around. They also helped me move into my new place. Monica was very bossy and had a system for everything but she liked doing it and I could tell she does it because she cares. Sitting and eating with them at Central Perk everyday helped me to get to know them better. I learned that Ross and Chandler were college roommates and that Ross, Monica, and Rachel have known each other since they were children since Ross and Monica are siblings and Rachel was Monica's best friend. Phoebe and Joey were the only ones not related to anyone in the group other than the fact that they were once or are roommates with Monica and Chandler.

One day while it was just Monica helping me move into the apartment I started asking her questions about the group so that I could fit in better.

"So Monica, tell me, how long has Rachel been pining after Ross?" She looked at me kind of weird. "What? I'm an introvert and I've learned to observe people. Rachel is obviously pining after Ross."

She smiled "Well you are not wrong. Rachel has actually only been pining after him for about 2 months now, although Ross has been pining after her for about 10 years."

"Really, then how come they are not together."

"It's just a matter of bad timing. Apparently Ross wanted to tell her about his feelings but he never really thought that she would go for him so Chandler and Joey convinced him to move on. That was the day he left for a business trip to China and would be gone for a week. While he was over there he met his current girlfriend Julie. That same day was also Rachel's birthday so we had a small party. Chandler let slip that the gift from Ross that Rachel was given was his way of showing his love for her since the gift was very expensive. Chandler pointed out that he did the same thing with his ex-wife when they were dating."

"Wait, Ross was married?"

"Yeah for a couple of years before his ex-wife found out she is a lesbian and they got a divorce. Ross actually has a son now from that marriage who was just recently born a week before Rachel's birthday. Anyway Rachel wanted to talk to Ross but she was unable to reach him at the airport so she had to wait a week before she could. That week she flip-flopped on going out with him before deciding that she would give it a try. By then Ross had already moved on with Julie. Since then, she has been pining and Ross hasn't noticed. It's been hard for the rest of us to see her suffer so and be caught in the middle."

"Must be especially hard for you. I mean it is your brother and best friend."

"Yeah, but Rachel and I have worked through that aspect. She was upset when she found out I had been hanging out with Julie, but she also understands my point of view and she knows she will always be my best friend."

"Hmm, well I think it will work out. Relationships where the couple have been friends first usually are the most lasting relationships." I bent to pick up another box. "I think Rachel should just tell him, then at least she will get some closure if he doesn't feel the same way, but knowing how long Ross has been holding a torch for her then most likely he will dump Julie and get together with Rachel."

"That is actually some decently good advice. You really do know your stuff and it is so easy to talk to you." Monica said

"Well, I certainly hope so. I hope I'm not presumptuous when I say that I consider all of you my friends even though I have only known y'all for a little bit. I always look out for my friends and I have an open door policy so if anyone wants to just talk and rant they are more than welcome to." I shrugged "I've been known to be a good listener and anything that is said I won't tell anyone else. Although that doesn't mean that I won't try to help fix a problem if it is within my power to do so."

"That's great! I can't speak for everyone else but I feel like we are friends. In fact, I want you to join us for breakfast tomorrow. Everybody pretty much hangs out at our apartments upstairs anyway since I am an excellent hostess." Monica said grinning.

"That would be awesome. Thank you Monica!"

(Start of Season 2, Episode 4)

I was just finished getting ready to head to Monica and Rachel's when I heard a screech from above me. I quickly ran upstairs and burst through the door.

"What happened?" I asked Rachel. She just pointed to a bird that flew to the coffee table when I opened the door. "Oh ok. Are you ok? Do you want me to get it?" She nodded. I grabbed a pot and lid off of the stove and slowly trapped the bird. Then there came a knock on the door.

"It's open you guys!" Rachel said. A blond-haired guy entered holding some flowers. "Hi!" _That's weird. Who is he?_ "Hey. Hi. Can I help you?"

"Yeah. I'm looking for Phoebe. Does she still live here?"

"Uh, no she doesn't but I can get a message to her." Rachel replied.

"Oh great! Just tell her her husband stopped by."

"Her what!" Rachel and I yelled. I was too shocked and so I let go of the lid and the bird just flew out of the pot.

"Hey. How did-how did you do that?" Phoebe's husband said. After I explained about the bird, he left and not too long after everybody else showed up for breakfast. Once they all showed up and while breakfast was being prepared and eaten, Rachel told Phoebe that her husband came to visit. Phoebe started pacing the kitchen.

"This is unbelievable Phoebe," Joey said, "how can you be married?"

"Well, I mean, I'm not married, married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's from Canada and he just needed a green card."

"I can't believe you married Duncan" Monica exclaimed. "I mean, how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything."

"I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgmental and you would not approve."

"Of course, I wouldn't approve. I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?"

"You see, and you'd thought she'd be judgmental." commented Ross.

"OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend."

"Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger." Everybody except I gasped.

I turned to Chandler, "Why is everybody so surprised by that?"

He replied "Phoebe's a vegetarian."

"Oh, ok gotcha."

"Well, didn't you?" Monica said exasperated.

"I might have." replied Phoebe

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Monica said tiredly.

"Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything!"

"What have I not told you?" Monica challenged.

"Oh, I don't know." Phoebe said as she moved toward the balcony window, "Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!"

"What!" Rachel exclaimed and we all rushed to look out the window.

"Wait, a minute, who told you?!" She turned to Chandler who hadn't moved and was looking sheepish, "You are dead meat" she said with a glare and pointing at him.

"I didn't know it was a big secret." he joked trying to diffuse the tension by grabbing her finger.

"Oh, it's not big," she said nonchalantly. _Uh oh, she's about to reveal something big._ "not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple!" Chandler jumps and glares right back at Monica. We all run back and surround him while Ross starts bouncing on the couch.

"You have a third nipple!" Phoebe said.

"You bitch." said Chandler still glaring at Monica.

Ross still hopping on the couch starts chanting "Whip it out, whip it out."

"Yeah, yeah." Phoebe agrees.

Chandler walks into the living room trying to get away from everybody. "C'mon, there's nothing to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless."

"Oh as, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples? snarked Rachel.

"I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin."

I looked at Joey. "Joey, what'd you think a nubbin was?"

"I don't know, you see something, you hear a word, I though that's what it was. Let me see it again." Everybody turned back to Chandler.

"Yeah show us!" I said.

"Joey was in a porno movie!" Chandler yelled. Everybody gasped. "If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me!" Everybody ran back to Joey.

"You were in a porno movie?" Ross asked. Everybody looked at him pleadingly.

"Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people having sex on it." he said wiggling his eyebrows with a smirk.

"That is wild." said Monica. We all turned back to Chandler and Ross asked, "So what's it shaped like?"

"Yeah, is there a hair on it?" Phoebe continued.

"What happen if you flick it?" said Joey.

The rest of breakfast we kept asking questions but weren't getting very many answers. Eventually we all went our separate ways Joey and I to our apartments, while the rest went to work. We didn't see each other again until lunch the next day at Central Perk. Rachel was working while Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica and I were sitting around just relaxing. Eventually a tiny, asian women walked in. She walked up to Ross and kissed him.

"Damn! Ross got gaaame!" I said and everybody laughed.

"No, well yes," Ross said looking sheepish, "no but this is my girlfriend Julie. Julie meet Daniel, Daniel..Julie."

"Nice to meet you Julie. I have heard so much about you."

"Nice to meet you too. Ross told me all about you as well."

"All good things I hope."

"Of course." she said smiling. We sat down again with Chandler and Ross together with Julie on the couch while Joey and I took the chairs on the opposite sides of the couch, and Monica at the bar. After relaxing for a bit and having some small talk, Ross turned to Chandler, "So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?"

"Why, yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia." Chandler said sarcastically.

"You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you." said Julie

"Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?

"You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?" Ross said kissing her.

Since I was closest to the bar I could hear Monica and Rachel's conversation. "Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special."

"Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just going to have to get over it."

"Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's what I had to do, I just have to get over it." At that moment Phoebe enters all dressed up.

"Well hello!" "Foxy lady" "Woah."

"Where you goin'?" Julie asked

"Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight in the Garden, he's in The Capades."

"The Ice Capades?" Joey pipes up.

"No, no the gravel capades. The turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls…funny" Joey just rolls his eyes at Chandler.

"I can't believe you're dressing up for him," Monica says exasperated, "I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again."

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feelings behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband."

I look back over to the couch. Ross reached for the milk container. "Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk." he moves the container over to Chandler's chest, " Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?" Everybody cracks up laughing except Chandler. If glares could kill then Ross would be dead by now.

He then puts on a fake smile. "Oh, I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha, Ha, Ha…" His fake laughter turns into coughs and grunts.

"Hey guys," Ross said, "Julie and I would like to invite everyone to my place tonight for dinner." We all said we would be there. After about half-hour, Phoebe left to go see Duncan.

Joey, Chandler, Monica and I decided to head back to the apartments to just hang out a bit before dinner, while Rachel finished her shift so we could all go together to Ross'. Monica said she was going to bake a pie for tonight so we separated in the hallway between their apartments.

When we entered the apartment, Joey turned on the tv and sat around watching that for awhile. Chandler got tired of it after about 30 minutes and so decided to go out and buy some wine for dinner tonight. Ross walked in about an hour later.

"Hey you guys, can I ask a question?" Ross looked a little conflicted.

"Sure bud," I said, "whatcha got on your mind?" Joey turned off the tv to pay attention.

"Well, it's kinda embarrassing and I have already asked Rachel's opinion but what, what's the longest you've been in a relationship before, ha, have, having the sex? Ross stuttered.

"2 hours!" said Joey with an intense look on his face. "It would have been an hour but she was just so chatty."

I raised my eyebrow at his quick answer but I turned back to Ross. "Lemme guess. Are you and Julie not having sex?"

"Technically, no. Rachel said that I should wait, wait, and then wait some more no matter how much Julie begs. She said that girls think it is more sexy that way." Ross shrugged.

 _Hmm, I see what she is trying to do. I don't think that's going to work but it was a nice try. She's just delaying the inevitable._ "Well, I personally would wait until you both feel ready to take that step. Don't rush it. Rachel is right that you should wait but it should happen at a time when you both are comfortable with it. The wait can be short like Joey and his conquests or it can be as long as waiting until marriage."

Joey responded. "Yeah and when it does happen, just get over yourself and do it. Don't overthink it."

"OK, well thanks guys for the advice." He looked much happier and left to head back and prepare dinner. "So Joe, do you think he will have sex tonight?"

"Of course, though I feel bad for Rachel. Seeing them together was hard enough but now…" He trailed off with a sad but knowing look.

"Yeah. I get what you mean. This is not going to make it any easier for her to get over him."

After Chandler came back we went to Monica's to wait for Rachel so we could go to Ross' together.  
_

We entered Ross' building and made our way to his apartment carrying food that Monica made or we had bought. Chandler was in the lead and he just walked into the apartment but stopped short in the entrance. I looked around Monica and Chandler and could see Ross and Julie kissing.

"Ah, Julie." said Chandler startling them.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright." I chuckle at his joke.

"Hi, everyone." Ross says greeting us. "Hey" we all respond.

Monica, Joey, Chandler, and I follow Julie into the kitchen to put the food down. I see Ross pull Rachel aside and talk to her quietly but since Monica, Joey and I are closest to the bar shelf, we could hear them.

"I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before." began Ross

"Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?" Rachel looked hopeful but looking at Ross, I could tell she is going to be disappointed.

"Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey and Daniel." She looked over to us and I just shrugged my shoulders while Joey tried to play like he wasn't listening in.

"What did, what did they say?" She said clearing her throat.

"Basically they told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I thought about what you said and I thought about what they said and, well, their way I get to have sex tonight so…" Ross trailed off with a skip in his step while Rachel looked very disappointed but trying to hide it.

After that we sat around and enjoyed a wonderful dinner with meaningless conversation. As we were finishing dessert, Chandler jumps from the kitchen to the living room like a little child while pulling something from his pocket. "What's this in my pocket?" looking at Joey, "Why it's Joey's porno movie!"

"Pop it in." Ross says giving Chandler permission. Chandler then looks to Joey, who just looked amused.

"I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're ok watching a video filled with two nippled people." Chandler sags at the continued ribbing while he pops the tape in.

"Great, people having sex, that's just what I need to see" Rachel says trying to mumble under her breath.

"What's wrong with people having sex?" Ross responds playfully jabbing her before pulling Julie into a side hug.

"Well, well, um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here."

"Hell, I wanna see Joey." _Gee Mon, thanks for the help. Rach is looking sad again._ By this time Chandler has the video ready and jumps into the couch with Monica. As the cheesy disco music starts, they start dancing. _How are those two not together? Am I the only one that sees they would make an absolutely amazing couple. They are too close to be just best friends._

"So is there like a story or do they just start doing it right…oh, never mind." Julie starts.

"OK, now wait a minute," Chandler points to the screen, "That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen."

"All I can say is," Monica began, "she better get the job."

"Looks to me like he's the one getting the job." Ross said nonchalantly as Julie jabbed him in the ribs.

Joey shushed everybody. "OK, here I come. See I'm coming to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinking what do I do, what do I do…so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line," The Joey from the tv responds, "You know that's bad for the paper tray." Real Joey looked really smug about that.

"Nice work my friend." Chandler smiles

"Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am…" He just kept repeating it for the rest of the video. After the video ended we started talking again and just relaxing around while Monica went to the restroom.

Monica came back into the room. "You know it still smells like monkey in there."

Julie looks to Ross, "Well that saves us a conversation."

Chandler gets up from the couch and stretches, "Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped." He starts to head towards the door.

Joey gets up as well, "Me too, we should get goin'"

"Yeah this was fun Ross. We should do this more often." I said getting up.

"Rachel jumped in. "No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Rachel, that's all we do."

"Maybe that's all we do," responds Rachel, then she looks to the couch where Ross and Julie are still seated, "what about Julie?"

"What about Julie?" she asks looking confused.

Rachel walks to the ottoman and sits in front of her. "Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything."

 _Just what are you hoping to accomplish Rachel? If you're trying to get them so tired that they won't have sex tonight it may work, but they will just push it by a day or two and try again. This is really not something you can stop._

"Well, that could take a while."

"So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?"

Chandler and Joey shrugs, "I got the time to get to know Julie." "I got time."

Monica pipes up. "Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go?" Rachel stares with a glare that could melt paint, "That's fine" She sighs and sits on the arm of the chair.

"OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?"

"Well, in a nutshell…" she began but Rachel interrupted her.

"Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh" _This is going to be long night,_ I thought as I settled onto the floor. Julie began her entire life story and Rachel asked questions just to keep delaying her. This went on for 2 more hours until…

"And my second grade teacher was Mrs. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb."

Rachel cleared her throat, "Mrs, Mrs. Gobb?"

"No Cobb, as in Cobb salad." Julie clarified.

Rachel shook her head in understanding and feigned interest, "Now, what exactly is in a Cobb salad?"

Now Chandler and I were fed up with this. "I'm goin' home." We said at the same time. Chandler, Monica, Joey and I exit the apartment saying goodnight as we left.

"Boy, that Julie's a talker, huh?" said Joey as we walked to the elevator.

We exited the building and hailed a cab. As everybody was entering I noticed Rachel wasn't with us. _I guess she is still talking to them and saying goodbye. "_ Hey guys, it looks like Rachel is still saying goodbye and we won't all fit in the cab so I'll wait here for her to come out. It shouldn't be too long."

"Are you sure?" Chandler said. He was supporting a sleeping Monica on his shoulder. _They look so cute together._

I smiled. "Yeah, I'll be fine. You guys go ahead. Monica is dead on her feet and Joey looks like he is about to pass out too so go on." They thanked me and then left. I waited by the door of the building and Rachel showed up just a little while later. She looked so distracted and depressed.

"Hey," I said softly trying not to startle her. She jumped a little bit but when she recognized me she offered a little smile. "Hey, how are you doing?" I pulled her into a side hug as a cab pulled up. "I know you were trying to prevent them from having sex tonight and I personally have to admire your effort. Solid 9/10." She gave a small laugh. "It just wasn't going to happen. Ross was always going to have sex with her soon, if not today then some time later."

"Yeah, I know." She sighed. "I don't really know what I was trying to accomplish. It really wasn't going to work but I just thought if I could freak him out a little then maybe he would be more reluctant until he could see that Julie wasn't right for him."

"And you were hoping Ross would go back to his feelings for you and try to actually ask out for real this time." She nodded. "I understand but, Rach, this is something that he needs to work through on his own. If he figured out what you were trying to do in sabotaging his relationship then he would have resented you for it, and would have always wondered if they could have had something more. I know it's hard but you have all of us to help you through it." She slowly nodded in understanding. "Can I tell you a secret? I don't think the relationship will last. He has been in love with you for almost 10 years now, and soon something will pop up to show him how much you really mean to him and he will dump her. Even being married to Carol didn't abate his feelings for you, he was just able to hide it better." The cab stopped as we pulled up to the apartment. I paid and we went inside where I walked Rachel to her door. She looked to be deep in thought.

"Thank you Daniel. Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.'

"Goodnight Rachel. See you tomorrow." We went to our separate apartments.

The next day Phoebe walked into Central Perk and told us about her night with Duncan and how he wanted a divorce because he was actually straight and getting married again. _Another problem, another day. It wouldn't be life without them._


	2. TOW Five Steaks and an Eggplant

**A/n: Thank you to everyone who is following and reviewed this story. I really appreciate the support. Just FYI, this story as well as Harry Potter's Last Family are the only stories that I am currently working on. Unfortunately, updates will be slow on both since I have just had a bunch of responsibility dumped on me, so I don't much time to actually sit down and write anything. I still thank y'all for your patience and hope you will continue to follow on this journey.**

 **Wolfking0811: I don't know if I will pair Daniel up with anyone in the FRIEND group just yet. He seems really close to Rachel for me, so if I were going to do it, it would probably be her but just a temporary relationship because I believe Ross and Rachel should be together. The purpose behind Daniel is to help mitigate some problems that the FRIENDS go through and to provide a different perspective. Since he has just joined he is just going with the flow but that will change over time. Chances are likely that I may just create another OC for him to be paired up with. Thank you for the review though and if you have suggestions just let me know but I may or may not use them.**

The next week passed in a blur since I was still trying to get my life up and running, especially with starting my new job. Money has been a little tight but I had quite a lot of money saved up, so I could still afford to splurge a little. I looked up since there was a knock on my door.

"Come in, the door's open!"

Chandler walked in. "Hey Dan, I just wanted to let you know that Ross' birthday is coming up and Monica and I started making some plans. We were thinking that we could get a cake, then head to a concert by Hootie and the Blowfish, and also we would be getting him a gift. Would that be ok with you?"

"That's fine with me and those sound like great ideas but how much is this going to cost?"

"Well, the tickets will be the most expensive, with the gift second and dinner third. I would say all together about $60-70 a person, although of course Ross wouldn't have to pay for his share. Is that ok?" _He looks so hopeful, but I think they need a little bit of a reality check._

"That's ok with me Chandler, I can afford that" his face lit up, "but I think we need to rethink some of it." he frowned. "I'm sorry to burst the bubble but we have to realistically look at everyone's financial means. While Monica, you, and I could afford it, it would be a very high strain on Rachel, Joey and Phoebe. Joey is an actor who is currently out of work and looks like he doesn't have any jobs lined up. Rachel and Phoebe are a waitress and massage therapist, respectively, making minimum wage which is about $4.25-4.55 an hour. I would say after taxes and expenses, they are operating with maybe less than $200 a month. $65-70 would be pretty steep for them. From just getting to know them the past couple of weeks, I know that if you tell them that price they will still try and pay it because 1. they like Ross and want to see him happy on his birthday and 2. they are too proud to accept charity and will hurt their ego if they accepted the help."

He nodded with a frown still on his face. "You're right. UGH! Why didn't I think about that? What do you suggest we do?"

"We have a couple of options. First, if we stick with your idea, then the 3 of us could subsidize some of the others obligation. For example, worst case scenario it comes to $70 a person, then total for everything comes to $420 since that cost would also include Ross' part. I suggest that Monica, you and I pay an extra $50 so that the others are not as burdened by it. Our total part would be $360 while those 3 would have to cover the other $60 which would come to $20 a piece for them. We just wouldn't tell them what the real cost was, that way they can accept the help without feeling like it is charity. Of course we won't lie to them if they ask but what they don't know won't hurt them. Second, is that we will have to revamp the idea. We could take out the cake and maybe just do the concert and a small gift. We could mix and match and figure out some things that will help us to keep the total cost low. How does that sound?"

"That makes a lot of sense. I will talk it over with Monica and I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks. This could have turned into a very awkward situation." He smiled happily and left the apartment.

After a couple of hours I went up to Monica's just to hang out with everyone. Everyone was there except for Ross who was at work. "Hey ya'll, how are things?"

"Hey, everything's pretty good," Rachel replied, "Monica and Chandler were just telling us the plan for Ross' birthday."

"Ok good. So what's the plan?"

"We are going to go ahead with the dinner, cake, and concert." replied Chandler.

"Ok. That sounds great! When are you going to buy the tickets?"

"It's pretty late right now so I'll buy them tomorrow. You guys can pay me back then. Just don't tell Ross." With that decision made, they walked into the living room to watch TV. Chandler whispered to me, "Monica and I agree with your idea so I'll let you know your price separately tomorrow. If we are all together then I'll say a lower price for them and just verify your total with me later when we are alone."

I whispered back, "That's perfect." We grabbed a couple of beers and watched TV for a few hours.

The next day everybody was hanging out at Monica's apartment. We all had the day off except for Monica but she would be home any minute. Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and I were sitting in the living room talking while Joey was eating a sandwich. Ross was standing in the kitchen talking to Julie who was in New Mexico on a dig site.

He turned to the group, "Hey, everybody. Say Hi to Julie in New Mexico."

"Hi" We all yelled back, though Rachel was a bit more sarcastic about it.

Chandler turned back to us. "OK, while Ross is on the phone, Everybody owes me 35 bucks for his birthday."

"Um, is there any chance that you're rounding up? Y'know like from 20?" Phoebe said uncertainly.

"Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake."

"Do we need a cake?" said Joey

Chandler looked a little worried but determined. "Look guys, I know it's a little steep, -"

"Yeah whoosh!" Phoebe said demonstrating falling off a cliff with her hand.

"-But it's Ross."

Phoebe nodded her head with a sigh, "It's Ross."

Joey agreed, "Yeah, you're right."

"I'll see you guys later, I gotta go..do a thing." Chandler got up happily and started walking to the door. Ross saw this and quickly ended his call with Julie, had a whispered conversation with Chandler and followed him out the door. _Looks like Ross is trying to stop Chandler from doing something wrong. Wonder what it is?_ I turn back to the other 3.

Rachel starts, "So, uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?"

Joey sighed, "Well, I guess I gotta start savin' up for Ross' birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies."

Phoebe looked sad, "Can you believe how much this is going to cost?"

"Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?"

"Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying 'Let's go here, let's go there.' Like we can afford to go here and there." Joey trailed off.

"Yes, yes," Phoebe agreed. "And it's, and we always have to go to, y'know, someplace nice, y'know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross."

"For Ross" said Rachel and Joey

 _I really wish I could say something to defend them but I still haven't been here that long and I don't know if it would be really welcome. They all have history that goes way way back._

At that moment Monica walked in. "Oh my God"

"Hey!" we replied

Rachel looked at Monica's happy face. "What?"

"I'm at work, ordinary day, y'know, chop chop chop, sauté sauté sauté. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job."

"If it's not you, this is a horrible story." Joey replied.

"Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. Y'know someplace nice." she says as she goes into the bedroom.

 _I groaned internally. You are not helping your case Monica._ Joey dejectedly spoke, "Yeah, someplace nice."

"Yeah" Rachel replied

"How much do you think I can get for my kidney?" Joey asked sarcastically

 _I think I have a way to solve this problem at least for now. It's time I did something nice for them anyway._

We broke up to change for dinner and then went to the restaurant.

We were seated at a round table with Joey and Phoebe to my right, Rachel and Monica across from me, and Ross and an empty chair to my left for Chandler. The waiter approached and our drinks were ordered. Once the waiter came back with the drinks, we told him we would just need a couple more minutes. Before he left I pulled him aside and told him that it would be one check and to bring it straight to me.

Before we even looked at the menu Ross clanged his glass for a toast. "OK, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef.."

"Who is also in charge of purchasing." Monica interrupted

"…Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing…"

"Who has their own little desk when Roland's not there." Monica interrupted again

"..uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister.." Ross said trying to get through the toast but interrupted again.

"Oh, wait, and I got a beeper!" Monica pulled out a beeper out of her purse.

"Cool" Joey said reaching for it

"Let's see!" Phoebe said

Ross put down his glass. "That's fine, I'll-I'll just wait."

"Sorry!" We apologized

He raised his glass again. "Monica!"

"Monica!" We replied clinking our glasses.

The waiter came back to our table. "Are we ready to order?"

"Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet." Rachel picked up her menu.

"Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat." He said sarcastically and walked off.

Everybody opened up their menu. _These prices are pretty high but not as big as I was expecting._

Phoebe turned to Joey and Rachel. "Wow, look at these prices."

"Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching." Rachel frowned.

"What are these, like famous chickens?" Joey said also frowning.

Chandler walked into the restaurant and provided the much needed distraction so I turned to Joey, Phoebe and Rachel. "Order whatever you guys want ok. Dinner is on me tonight. It's a thank you for all the help and kindness y'all have shown me." I said smiling. They smiled back and their shoulder relaxed.

The waiter returned to the table, "Do I dare ask?"

Monica started off. "Yes, I will start with carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns."

Ross was next, "That sounds great. Same for me," and he handed their menus over.

The waiter turned to Joey, "And for the gentlemen?"

"Yeah, I'll have the Strip steak, medium rare, with a side of onion rings."

He took Joey's menu and turned to Rachel. "Miss?" She looked over at me with a raised eyebrow, a question in her eyes. I smiled back and gave her a firm nod.

She turned to him, "I'll have the smoked salmon with the lemon butter sauce and a side salad."

He wrote it down and took her menu and turned to Phoebe, "And for you?"

"Um, I'm gonna have the vegetarian pizza and a cup of cucumber soup, and um, take care." she said hastily handing back here menu.

He turned to Chandler next. "Sir?"

"I will have the uh, cajun catfish."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, how 'bout a verse of killing me softly," the waiter did not look pleased, "you're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?". He handed his menu over and the waiter turned to me.

"I'll have the strip steak as well, medium, but can I have a cup of the lobster bisque?" The waiter nodded and walked off to fill our orders. Eventually the food arrived and we all enjoyed our food. As desert was finishing up the waiter arrived with the check, and handed it to me.

 _Ok $201, tip included. Pretty steep but nothing I can't handle. I've actually had worse._

Ross speaks up. "So, how much is each of our parts Daniel?"

"Zero Ross. Dinner is my treat as a thank you to y'all for y'all's help the past couple of weeks. Helping me to get acquainted into the city and for allowing me into y'alls friend group."

"No, you don't need to do that. Everybody can pay for part of it," and before I could stop him, he grabbed the check, "ok, so $161 plus tip is 201 divided by seven is 28 bucks."

"Um, everyone?" Rachel said looking a little confounded. She looked over at me and I just held up a hand to calm her down. _Damn it Ross, you had to make the situation awkward. This conversation probably needed to happen anyway._

"Oh, you're right, I'm sorry."

"Thank you." said Joey in relief.

"Monica's big night. She shouldn't pay."

"Oh, thank you!" Monica said happily.

"So six of us is, $33.50 apiece."

"No, huh, uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen." said Phoebe

"Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback." Chandler said with a mock-frown on his face and hands raised.

Phoebe continued, "I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks?! N-No!"

"Ok, Pheebs!," Ross saying trying to placate her, "how 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal."

"Not for you." Phoebe muttered under her breath but not quietly enough.

Monica looked questioningly, "All right, what's goin' on?"

Rachel turned to Joey, Phoebe, and I. "Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable."

"Fine. All right, fine.""Yeah" they responded while I nodded.

Chandler interrupted. "You can tell us."

Ross agreed, "Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine."

"Yeah!" Monica joined in.

Joey started to shift in his seat and clear his throat a lot. "Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh,"

I interrupted him, "What Joey is trying to say is that they don't have as much money as you."

"OK" Monica said

"I hear ya." Ross leaned back in his chair

"We can talk about that." Chandler looked uncomfortable.

Phoebe leaned back and crossed her arms, "Well, then…Let's"

Ross began, "Well umm I, I just never think of money as an issue."

"That's 'cause you have it." Rachel responded.

"That's a good point." Ross agreed.

"So, um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?" Chandler asked

"Because it's always somethin', ya know, like with Monica's new job, or the whole Ross' birthday hoopla." said trailing off at the end trying to hide the surprise.

"Wha-whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative-there's gonna be a hoopla?" Ross said changing the subject and looking hopeful.

Rachel began, "Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing."

Monica came in at that point, "If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift."

Ross looked confused then hopeful, "G-Gift? The thing's not the gift?"

Chandler sighed, "No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish."

Ross' face lit up, "Hootie and the—oh my, I," he then turned back and saw the other's faces, "I can catch them on the radio."

Phoebe looked downtrodden, "No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert."

"No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together."

"All of us." Monica agreed

"Together." Chandler said

"Not at the concert." Ross added.

"OK," Rachel said quietly

"Yeah," Joey added

"Thank you." Rachel said

"Thanks" Joey said softly

"Yeah" Phoebe said.

A small awkward silence began with everyone running their hands on the tablecloth or looking into the distance.

Chandler broke the silence, "So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?"

I rubbed my forehead and reached my hand out to Ross. "Can I have the check back now? My attempts to avoid a confrontation have failed but I will still be paying for dinner." He handed the check back to me, I paid and then we left.

The next day I avoided breakfast with the group and got some work done so that I could be free tonight for the concert. While I was trying to get my work done I did hear a door slamming upstairs but I couldn't tell if it came from Monica's or Chandler's apartment so I just ignored it.

Six hours later, "Finally finished with all this work! Now, time to party!" I changed and headed upstairs. I raised my hand to knock on Chandler's door, but before I did Ross and Chandler opened it and stepped out. "Hey guys, y'all ready to go?"

Chandler looked distracted so Ross spoke up "Yeah, let's just get Monica and then we can go."

"OK." _Where is Joey and why are we only picking up Monica, not all the girls?_ "Why are we only picking up Monica and what's going on with Chandler?"

"We'll tell you on the way. As for Chandler, he just got some terrible news. Apparently sex with him is very bumpy and fast." Ross said laughing while Chandler had a horrified look on his face.

I patted him on his back while smiling. "It's ok bro, everyone jumps the gun on their first time!" At that Ross and I burst out laughing.

At that Monica opened the door, "What are you guys laughing about?" Ross told the story as we walked to the cab and on the way to the theatre, the other three filled me in on what I missed that morning. We eventually reach the theater and are shown to our seats.

The show is about to start in 10 minutes but all that the other 3 can do is stare at the empty seats beside them. "We can leave if this is going to be too awkward." I told them.

"Yeah, you know what? I'm not going to be able to enjoy this." Monica shook her head.

"Yeah," Ross agreed, "I know, it's my birthday. We all should be here."

"So, Let's go." Chandler gestured to the exit. We all rose to our feet but the band started to play.

"Well, maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song." Ross capitulated.

"Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them," Chandler waved to the band, "for us to leave now."

"You know, the guys are probably having a great time." Monica said waving away her concerns.

 _This is gonna come back to bite us, but oh well._ I internally shrugged my shoulders and got into the concert. After a couple of hours, the band finally played their last song and the lights came back on in the theater.

"That was amazing!" Monica exclaimed.

"Excellent. That was excellent." Ross said looking happy.

"I can't believe the guys missed this." _Goodness Chandler. Did you have to bring that up now._

"What guys?" Ross' face fell in realization, "Oh, yeah."

As we were getting our jackets and turning to leave, a six foot blonde man in a sport jacket walked up to Monica. "Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't you?"

"Do I know you?" Monica looked confused.

"You used to be my babysitter."

"Oh my god," Monica exclaimed, "little Stevie Fisher? How've you been?"

"Good, good, I'm a lawyer now."

"You can't be a lawyer, you're eight." _Smooth Monica._

"Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage." He started walking that way but Monica grabbed his arm.

"Uh, wait, backstage?"

"Oh yeah, my firm represents the band." Ross and Chandler stuck out their hands to him.

"Ross."

"Chandler."

"And since no one asked, I'm Daniel." He shook all of our hands.

"How are you? Look, you guys want to meet the group?"

"Yeah we do."

"Come on," he said leading us. He turned to Monica, "So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?" Monica stopped and got a shocked/disgusted look on her face before starting to walk again.

We spent the night up until the wee hours of the morning with the band. Had a great time partying with them and Monica even made out with one of them. _Oh, that is going to be a hickey tomorrow._ We eventually made it home and didn't wake up again until it was time for lunch.

All four of us walked into Central Perk and the other three were already there. Rachel was working while Phoebe and Joey were relaxing on the couch.

"Hey, you guys." Ross said.

"Hey, Happy birthday." Rachel responded.

"Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night?"

"Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours?"

Monica answered, "Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?" _Ok, way to lie Monica. I think I will stay out of this conversation. It's going to go downhill real quick._

"Oh, yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, How's his dad?" _Oh well this just became awkward._

"Uh, good." Monica looked disgusted again as she moved to the couch.

"Uh, aside from that," Ross began, "the whole evening was pretty much a bust."

Chandler jumped in. "Yeah, we really missed you guys."

"Yeah," Joey began, "Look, we were just saying, this whole thing is so stupid."

Phoebe jumped in. "We just have to really, really, really not let stuff like money get..," she stopped staring at Monica's neck, "is that a hickey?"

"No," Monica stuttered, "I just, I fell down."

"On someone's lips?" Rachel questioned, "Where'd you get the hickey?"

"You know, a party, or…"

"What party?"

Ross tried to help her out. "It wasn't so much as a party as a…a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band." He said deliberately lowering his voice.

The others gasped. Joey pointed accusingly at Chandler. "You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?!"

"Yes, apparently Steve and Hootie are like this." He said holding 2 fingers crossed together.

"Who gave you that hickey?" Rachel asked.

"That would be the work of a Blowfish."

"OH!"

"Oh, I can't believe it," Phoebe said getting up from her chair and pacing behind the couch, "I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, 'Hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck.'"

"Look," Ross said starting to get angry, "Don't blame us. You guys coulda been there, you know."

"What, as part of your poor friends outreach program?" Rachel said sarcastically and equally angry. Monica's pager went off.

"Oh great, it's work," she pointed to Ross for the phone, "Can you hand me that?" She walked to the end table to call.

"I don't know what to say," Chandler began, "I'm sorry that we make more money than you, but we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it."

"And we don't work hard?" Joey questioned.

"I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more."

"And you feel like we hold you back." Joey pressed. _This not going to be good._

"Yes."

"Oh!" Rachel and Phoebe gasped. Joey looked on in shock.

"No." Chandler tried to cover but it was too late, and then they all started bickering. I looked over to Monica and she started to cover her ears to listen better

She turned to the group, "Shh! Guys!," they quiet down, "Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kickback. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing." She paused listening. "What corporate policy?" Pause, "No", pause again, "Yeah" another one, "Okay" and then she hangs up. She bows her head and starts to cry. "I, I just got fired." We all walk over to comfort Monica.

A waitress approaches with Monica's order, "Here's your check. That'll be $4.12."

Joey grabs the check, "Let me get that," realizing that he doesn't have the money, he turns to Chandler, "You got five bucks?" Chandler takes the check shaking his head. Monica takes her food and decides to just go on home and Ross joins her. The others stay for a little bit but we were all worried about Monica, so we didn't stay too long and just went home as well.


	3. TOW The Baby on the Bus

Over the next week, the argument was quickly forgotten about and we all rallied around Monica as she was going through her job search. I looked as a knock came through my door. "Come in!"

Chandler walked in, "Hey Daniel, I wanted to let you know that Ross, Joey and I were going to play some basketball and wondering if you wanted to come. We are going to eat some lunch at Monica's first."

"Yeah that'll be great. Beats sitting in the apartment all day. Just let me get changed and I'll be right up." Chandler left, I changed and made my way up to the apartment. Entering the apartment I see Chandler and Ross hanging out in the kitchen eating while Joey was in the armchair and Monica was playing with a baby in the baby carrier. "Hey guys!" They all waved back.

"Where are Rachel and Phoebe and who is this little one?"

"This is my son, Ben." Ross said. "Monica's going to be watching him while we are playing ball. Rachel is working and Phoebe is playing at the coffee shop today since it is Sunday afternoon."

I walked over to the baby, smiling. "Well hello Ben," I said in baby voice, "I'm Daniel." I said while ticking his stomach. He smiled at me.

As I was eating lunch, Monica started to play with the baby. She lifted him out of the seat. "Who da wenny-benny boy? You the wenny-wenny-benny-benny boy, yes," Ben started crying and Monica started to look distressed, "Don't cry. Don't cry," she turned to Ross, "Why is he still crying?"

Ross reached for him, "Let me hold him for a sec. There." Ben stopped crying, "Huh? There we are."

Monica fake-laughed, "Maybe it's me."

"Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants." He said mock-glaring at Ben.

Chandler piped up, "You know, I once dated a Ms. Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody."

Ross handed Ben back to Monica, "There we go. All better."

"There's my little boy." Ben starts to cry again. _Chandler's got that smirk on his face again._

"Can I uh see something?" He takes Ben from Monica and he stops crying when Chandler stands back up. As he gets closer to her Ben starts crying again. He does it twice more to make sure.

"Cool!" Joey says excitedly.

"He hates me. My nephew hates me."

"Come on, don't do this." Ross implored.

"What if my own baby hates me? Huh?" Monica continued as if Ross hadn't interrupted. "What am I gonna do then?"

Chandler jumped in to break through her rant. "Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet." _So close. Why don't you fix that problem, Chandler, since it seems only you can get through her moods._ Monica glared at him. Chandler looked nervous and side-eyed Joey. "Joey, she does not look fat." Joey just looked confused.

Ross then took Ben and put him down for his mid-afternoon nap while the rest of us finished eating lunch. Monica served us some dessert, a kiwi-lime pie, while Chandler asked for a glass of milk to go with it.

"Here you go." she said setting the glass in front of him.

"Oh hey Monica." He picks up the basketball and holds it in front of her.

Joey starts imitating Ben "Waaah!" Chandler moves the ball in front of him, "Goo, Goo, Goo.." and moves it back to Monica "Waaah!" Ross and I are silently chuckling.

"That is so funny. Let me see that a sec." Chandler hands her the ball and she chucks it out the open kitchen window and turns back with a victorious smile on her face.

At this point Ross starts to make some gurgling sounds. "Are you ok, Ross?" I ask him.

"I don't know. What's in this pie?" He asks Monica.

"Uh, I don't know. Butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi.."

"Kiwi? Kiwi? You said it was a key lime pie."

"No I didn't. I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special."

"And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi."

"No you're not." she looked at him in disbelief, "You're, You're allergic to lobster and peanuts and…" Ross grunts again. Her eyes go wide in realization, "Oh my God."

"Ugh. It's definitely getting worse."

"Is your tongue swelling up?" I ask

"Either that or my mouth is getting smaller."

Monica takes charge. "All right. Get your coat, we're gonna go to the hospital." She runs to her room to get her jacket.

"Is he gonna be ok?" Joey asks.

"Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot." I respond.

Ross starts to sit back down but as he starts talking you can hear a lisp beginning to form in his words. "You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone up for Thcrabble?"

"Jacket now!" Monica said forcefully.

"What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to the hospital."

"We'll watch him." Joey says pointing to him and Chandler.

Ross looks skeptical. "I don't think tho."

"What? I have seven catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?" He looked to Chandler for support.

"Well, I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window." I couldn't help cracking a smile at that. Monica came back into the kitchen.

Ross caved. "Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag."

Joey starts checking off his fingers. "Hat, milk, got it." Monica, Ross and I start moving toward the door.

Ross tries to give more directions but his speech is almost completely garbled now. "Thro spa thro thro," he points his finger at them, "A thro thro!" We're fully out the door now and moving towards the stairs.

"Consider it done!" I hear Joey yell. We call a taxi and get to the hospital in record time. I walk up to the front desk.

"Hi! My friend is having an allergic reaction to kiwi and he needs an epinephrine shot stat!" The nurse looks at Ross and nods immediately telling us what room to go to while handing us forms to fill out and says the doctor will be with us shortly. As we are waiting, I, with Monica's help, fill out the forms while she tries to keep Ross calm.

"Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun." He says hopefully. I look at him in disbelief. _This person has a PhD and he is this afraid of needles. It has to be a shot. It's too late for an oral dose._ The doctor walked into the room.

"Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction."

"Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please?" They move to the other side of the room. "My brother has a slight phobia about needles."

Ross interrupted them. "Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?"

"My brother, the PhD, would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally."

"No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now."

"Tho?" _He looks so optimistic that it's pathetic._ Monica just gives him a strained smile. "Ohh." He sighs dejectedly.

"That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?"

"OK." Ross sits in a chair by the bed, Monica moves to his right side and I move behind him and place my hand on his shoulder.

"Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand?" Monica asks.

"Yes!" He replies

"Okay." He grabs her hand. "All right, Ross, Don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard!" The doctor inserted the needle and he tensed up forcing him to really clamp down on her hand. "Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!" I quickly reach over and pry their hands apart and grip his arm as the doctor finishes up.

Monica was vigorously rubbing her hand and trying to smooth the pain away. The doctor cleaned up. "Does it still hurt? Would like me to take an x-ray?" She nods and the doctor leads her away to the x-ray room. They come back about 30 minutes later and the doctor asks us to wait while they are processing the image. Ross sat in a chair on the other side of the room looking at the informational posters on the walls.

"So, Monica how is the job search going?" I ask.

She sighs. "Not so good. It's only been a week but and I've only had one interview so far and I haven't heard back from them yet. It gets a little discouraging sometimes because I feel like my life isn't going anywhere since I am 27 and I still haven't had a meaningful relationship either. At least when I had a job I could be easily distracted from that."

"Don't worry. Everything will work out." I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her into a hug, "Sometimes things need to be broken to make way for better things. I know that you will become a top notch chef one day and lead your own kitchen. As for the boyfriend front, that will also happen too. I can't imagine you being single forever. You're mothering nature is too ingrained for it to be wasted on saps like us," I pointed to Ross and I. "to not be used on little children. I also actually have a guy in mind that would be perfect for you but he is not quite ready to meet you yet. In fact, how about this, if you're 40 and we are both unmarried, how about we get married?"

"Really? Thank you. Who is the guy? Have I met him already? I actually already have a backup arrangement like that with Chandler but I guess you can be a backup to my backup." She said smiling hopefully.

I smirked. _So Chandler offered to be her backup. Interesting._ "Yes you have met the guy but I'm not going to reveal him yet. In fact I may not have to. I hope he will do so in time but I will be pushing him a little bit. A nudge here, a nudge there. I would be more than happy to be your backup's backup but again I don't think you will need it. I just want you to know that you will never need to settle. You bring an amazing amount of skills to any relationship and as long as you know that and are confident in it then you will never be disappointed in a relationship. Of course, I'll be there to correct you if I think you could do better." She seemed much happier after that.

The doctor comes back and put the picture up on a backlit screen. Ross and Monica sat on the hospital bed while I lean against it.

"Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts?" Monica says still massaging her hand.

"No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here," he points to the x-ray, "is the puncture wound from your ring."

Ross hugs Monica close, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my S's back!" Monica side glares at him. "Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate." He says whispering but Monica still hears him and jabs him in the ribs.

Not too long after that we were released and we headed back to Monica's apartment. The apartment was empty so _it looks like Joey and Chandler took Ben for a walk._ It looked like Ross wanted to talk to Monica for a little bit so I excused myself to the chairs by the window. Their conversation wasn't exactly quiet.

"I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I almost broke your hand."

"That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you."

"Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?"

"Remember it?" She chuckled and pointed to her hand. "What do you think this is, a freckle?"

"Oh."

"Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the silvan's pumpkin?"

"Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?"

"No. But I remember people telling me about it." _Sibling rivalry. Gets annoying most of the time but times like these help bring them closer together._

"I hope Ben has a little sister."

"Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass."

"I'm gonna get a new band-aid." He got up off the couch and walked towards the restroom. "Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken."

Monica got up quickly off of the couch and followed him. "That was you?!"

"They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it." She just cocked her head and gave him a bemused look.

Chandler and Joey enter the apartment looking exhausted and a little bit wary and bogged down by baby items. I arch an eyebrow. _Why would taking care of a baby make them wary. They are looking like they are about to go to their deaths._

Monica walks over to them, smiling and reaching for Ben. "Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying." she says happily.

Joey and Chandler look fearfully at each other. "Hey, he's not crying." Chandler says with wide eyes. Then Ben starts to cry. They both slump in relief.

Joey pumps his fist. "Yes!" Monica glares at him and he quickly redirects. "There's still pie."

Ross finally comes out of the bathroom. "I'm here. How's my little boy? Want daddy to change your diaper?" He lays Ben down on the armchair and unbuttons his pants to change the diaper. "So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?"

"Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today." Joey said with a smile on his face and laugh in his voice while Chandler looked worriedly at him.

"Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus…" Ross pauses and with Ben's legs raised and staring at the diaper. Monica and I look at each other confused before turning back to Ross. "Hey, I have a question." He lifts Ben up and turns him toward the guys while lifting up his shirt to show the back of the diaper. "How come it says property of human services on his butt?"

The guys look worried now and start backing away. Chandler stutters with a fake laugh mixed in, "You, you are gonna love this."

Ross turns to Monica and hands her Ben. "Will you hold Ben for a sec?" He starts to chase them. "Come here. Come here."

Chandler picks the pie up off of the table and holds it as a shield in front of him. "Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!" He takes off back to their apartment while Chandler slowly backs out while still using the pie as a shield.

Eventually, once the tempers have cooled, *cough* Ross *cough*, we get the full story of how Chandler and Joey tried to use Ben to pick up chicks but instead came off as a gay couple. They eventually tell how they accidentally left Ben on a city bus and acted as a couple to get him back. Of course, major jokes and teasing ensued and it was in the middle of this when Rachel and Phoebe walked in. They told us about their day about how essentially Phoebe was fired from playing in the coffee house and Rachel had to be the one to do it. Chandler and Joey painstakingly retold their story, while Monica filled them in on our side.


	4. TOW Ross Finds Out

A couple of days later, Phoebe came into the coffee shop and told us that she started seeing a guy. Phoebe said his name was Scott.

"That's interesting, Phoebe. What does he look like? When do we get to meet him? What's he like?" I asked.

"He is a six foot brown-eyed brunette. He seems very nice but we have only had one date and we haven't even slept together yet." _Too much information._ I suppressed a grimace but smiled and nodded. Chandler also let us know that he was invited to a party by an old college friend. Ross was also invited but he couldn't go because he was hanging out with Ben all day.

Two days later, we were all gathered together again, except Chandler, in Monica's apartment eating dinner and just having small talk. Chandler walked in from the party as we were eating cookies and milk.

"Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something…repellent…about me?"

"So, how was the party?" Ross asked.

"Well, it couldn't have been worse. A women literally passed through me. Okay, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?" He mostly focused on the girls when he asked.

Phoebe obliged. "No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what. I go through the exact same thing thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything."

Chandler waved his hands around, "Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?" At this point Ross, Joey and I escaped to the kitchen.

Phoebe tried to backpedal, "No, not weight…y'know, more like insulation." she said cheerily.

Chandler looked a little offended and Moncia rose to the occasion. "Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you."

"Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my laying around time."

"Please." Monica begged. All of us offered our support. "Let her. Yeah."

"All right, okay, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home."

"Your boobs are fine." Phoebe was fed up, "Look, I never should have said anything. Come here." She opens her arms for a hug. Chandler hugged her but Phoebe didn't close her arms around him. "Oh, can't make…hands…meet…" We all laughed out loud while Chandler had a resigned, bemused look on his face. _Phoebe is a good actor._

"Okay, Chandler, we start early tomorrow morning." Monica said and with that we all split ways for the night.

2 days later Joey, Chandler, and I were having lunch and relaxing in the coffee shop while Rachel was working. Joey and Chandler are on the couch, while I am in the armchair to the right of it. Joey and I are reading the paper while Chandler is trying to drink his coffee.

Chandler raises the cup to his lips. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ahh." He goes to put the cup down, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." Joey intercepts the cup and sets it down for him. "She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore."

I laughed out loud as Phoebe entered.

"Hey Pheebs, how'd it go with Scott last night?" Rachel asked as she sat on the arm of my chair.

"Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restaurant, ordered champagne, nice." _But it didn't sound nice by the sound of her voice._ Joey picked up on it too.

"The guy still won't put out, huh?"

"Nope. Zilch. Nothin'. Uh-uh." She said taking off her coat.

"Sorry Pheebs." We commiserated.

"Look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow. I like him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really sweet and why won't he give it up?" She sat down at the table to the left of the couch.

"Maybe he, uhh…drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean." Joey remarked.

"No, whad'ya mean? He's not British."

"Maybe he's…gay."

"Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like…definitely felt something."

"Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?" Rachel considered.

"No, I felt it on my hip. You could tell." Monica entered the shop dressed in a baggy t-shirt and shorts.

"Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes."

"Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it." Monica just smiled indulgently.

Phoebe jumps up and down in her seat pointing out the window behind Rachel and I. "Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look." All of us turn and see Ross kissing Julie outside.

"What?" She feigns indifference, "C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight."

"Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?" I ask looking sideways at her.

"Yeah, Monica's settin' me up."

"But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh…" Joey questions.

"Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity."

"So you really okay about all this?" Chandler pushed.

"Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on." she said getting up and taking a tray of dishes, "He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing."

Ross and Julie enter the shop. "Hi guys."

"Hey" we all replied.

"Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, okay?"

"Only if you say his full name." she sing-songed.

Ross sighed. "Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy?"

"All right." she agreed.

"You're getting a cat?" Joey asked Ross.

"Uh, actually, we're getting a cat." He hugged Julie closer to his side.

"Together?" Rachel looked to be in a state of unbelief.

"Uh huh." Ross looked happy, oblivious to Rachel's distress.

"Both of you?"

"Yep."

"Together."

"Yeah," Julie verified, "we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time."

"Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time." She said with the fakest, positive attitude and smile I have ever seen.

"Hopefully." Ross said still oblivious.

"Well," she looks at her watch, "Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, okay, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a uh, have a, uh, really good cat." She leaves the shop still carrying the tray of dishes and her jacket. A couple of seconds go by and she returns. "Okay, we're not supposed to take these when we leave." She places the tray on a nearby table and walks out again. _I'm a little worried about her and she should vent but I think she needs to work through this on her own. If I talk to her now she'll be late for her date as well and she doesn't need that first impression._

Ross and Julie leave for their date and Chandler reluctantly follows Monica out for another workout session. It's just Joey, Phoebe and I now. Phoebe walks over from the counter with Joey and her drinks and sits beside him.

"So, I figured it out."

"What?" He replied.

"Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough."

"Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, 'Excellent butt, great rack.'"

"Really?" she smiled, "That's so sweet." She quickly frowned, "I mean, I'm officially offended," and smiled again, "but sweet."

"Pheebs," I interjected, "I wouldn't worry about it too much. Some men, like me, just like to make sure that we are in it for the long haul before we take that step with our girlfriends. It doesn't mean that you are not sexy enough, it just means that we want to make sure that both of us are ready before we go that far."

"Pheebs, look," Joey added on, "if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him." I nodded agreeing.

"You're right, You're right. Ah, you are both so yum." She reached for a hug from both of us. We spent about another hour there before we retired to our apartments for the night.

Around mid-morning the next day I get a small, soft knock on my door. I open the door and see a hungover and dejected Rachel outside. "Hey Rach, what's going on? Come in and have a seat."

She walks in with her head down and has a seat on couch. I get her some coffee and some Ibuprofen to relieve her headache and sit beside her. She is quiet and withdrawn. I stay silent since I know she will talk when she is ready.

A couple of minutes later she begins. "It's over Daniel."

"What's over?"

"Ross finally knows about my feelings for him. It's never gonna happen now."

"What? How did he find out?"

"I told him." She said with such a defeated air that I felt so sorry for her.

I lifted her face to look at me, making sure to keep my face open and inviting. She had tears starting to form in her eyes. "What do you mean you told him?"

She sighed. "Last night, after I left the coffee shop for my date, I couldn't get Ross, Julie and their cat out of my head the entire night. All throughout dinner with the guy, that was all that I could talk about and I couldn't stop drinking either so I became pretty drunk and wasn't quite thinking clearly. Eventually, my date got so fed up that we didn't even order dessert and he wanted to just get out of there. That's when I got so depressed that I bemoaned the fact that I was there with a great guy and all I could think about was Ross."

"What happened then?"

"Well, being the nice guy that he is, he gave me some good advice. He said that I just needed some closure. "Whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, 'I'm over you.'" Me and my drunk a** looked around the restaurant and found a guy with a cell phone. I left a message on Ross' machine basically saying that I was happy for him and his cat and told him he should name it Michael. Since I was picking names then that obviously meant I was over him and that that was closure."

"So how do you know that he found out? He probably hasn't heard the message yet? We could still possibly erase it."

She waved me off. "It's too late. He came over this morning to pick up the cat toys while Julie got a cab. I was so hungover that I asked if he had called me last night because I couldn't quite remember what happened other than something to do with Ross. He said he had been with Julie all night and asked if he could check his messages and I gave him permission."

 _*Flashback Begin*_

 _"Rach, I got a message from you." Rachel rushes back out of her bedroom in shock, remembering the message. "Who's Michael?"_

 _"Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the…" Rachel jumps on Ross' back and finally grabs the phone from him. Ross just stands there with her on his back and a confused expression on his face._

 _"You're over me?"_

 _"Ohhhhhhh God." She climbs off his back._

 _"Wha…You're uh, you're over me?"_

 _"Ohh, ohh." She hangs her head and walks over and kneels on the couch while playing with the pillows._

 _"When, when were you…under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh…what?"_

 _"Ohh, okay, okay, okay, well, basically, lately, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you."_

 _"You've had feelings for me?"_

 _"Yeah, what, so?" She said getting irritated now and jumping off of the couch, "You had feelings for me first."_

 _"Woah, huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had…you know?" He looks worried now._

 _"Chandler told me."_

 _"Chandler. When did he…when did he…when did he?"_

 _"When you were in China."_

 _"China."_

 _"Meeting Julie."_

 _"Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. Okay, I need to lie down," he goes to the couch then decides against it and starts pacing, "No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. Okay so you uh, and now wha…and now, now, now you're over me?"_

 _"Are you over me?" Rachel asked softly, hopefully looking into his eyes. A moment of silence and then the doorbell buzzes._

 _They both look over to the door. "That's, that's Julie. Ju…Julie, Julie." He rushes to the intercom. "Hi Julie."_

 _"Hi honey, I've got a cab waiting."_

 _Ross, in a perky voice, says, "I'll be right down." and shuts off the intercom._

 _"Wait, so, you're going?" Rachel rushes to the Ross side._

 _"Well, okay, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm…I'm gonna go get a cat."_

 _"Okay, Okay." says Rachel looking sad again._

 _"Cat." Ross leaves without saying another word._

 _*Flashback End*_

"So that's what happened." She concluded.

I pulled her close and hugged her while rubbing her back. "It'll be okay. Don't count yourself out of this fight just yet." I pushed her away to look her full in the face. "Now that Ross knows, he has a lot of thinking to do. I don't want to give you false hope but this could still work in your favor. He is going to have to really think hard on his feelings for you and for Julie. Give it a little bit of time. He'll come around."

Rachel looked a little happier and left feeling comforted. She wasn't completely over what happened but she was still able to go to work that day. Since everyone else was at work, I headed over to Chandler and Joey's since Joey also had the day off.

We sat and watched some tv for a couple of hours, but we could only watch one channel since they lost the remote and we were too lazy to find it. We stayed like that until Phoebe showed up.

"Hey Joey and Daniel."

"Hey Pheebs." We replied.

"How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?"

"We can't find the remote." I said. Phoebe walks to the tv and turns it off.

"Thank you." Joey said.

She sat on the couch with Joey. "So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch today and I did."

"And?" Joey asked excitedly.

Phoebe smiled smugly, "And we did."

"All right Pheebs, way to go."

"Yay me!"

"So, so how did it happen?" I asked.

"Well, I finally took your advice Joey and asked him what was going on."

"And what did he say?" Joey asked.

"He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohhh, is he gonna call me the next day, and, y'know, where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious."

"Wow."

"Yeah, so I said, "Okay, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a loot of talking…I convinced him." She said as she reached for a cookie on the table.

"Aww Pheebs." I said shaking my head.

Joey scoffed. "Let me get this straight." He starts checking off his fingers. "He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea."

Phoebe stopped chewing, realizing the truth of what he was saying, "Um-hum."

Joey looked enthralled, "This man is my God." Phoebe looked sad now.

"Pheebs, it's ok." I got up from my chair and gave her a hug, "unfortunately some men will manipulate any situation to their advantage. You got played and I'm sorry that it happened, but it will work out. You'll meet a great guy, get married, and have lots of babies." She chuckled. "There is that beautiful smile that I love to see."

"Thank you, Daniel."

We talked for a little more before Phoebe decided to leave to spend some time with Monica. They planned to have a girls night once Rachel got back from work. Chandler arrived not too long after.

"Hello children!" He said as he entered the apartment.

"Hey!" Joey said. and waved.

"Daddy!" I yelled and ran to hug him. "You're home," I started hopping on my toes acting like a child, "let me tell you about my day. First, I woke up and I had cereal, only the ones with marshmallow of course, then I went to Central Park, they have very big trees there did ya know. Then, I came back and took a nap, then, then I had a tea party with my best friend Joey and Phoebe here. We watched tv and then Phoebe left which made me sad," I fake-pouted and made my eyes wide, "but now you're home so I'm happy again." I smiled again and finally dropped the act and laughed.

Joey was rolling on the floor laughing as well while Chandler had a shocked look on his face before he too started laughing as well. "That was good." he said, "You really had me going there. You sure can talk fast."

I waved him off and shrugged, "It's a gift."

He clapped his hands. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"Well, I think we can just hang out. I mean I got nothing else to do. The girls are going to have a girls night, we can make ours a guys night too."

"Yeah let's do guys night!" Joey said happily.

"Ok what about dinner?" I asked, "You guys ok with pizza?"

They nodded. Chandler called and we had the pizza delivered to the apartment. While we were waiting on the pizza Ross showed up looking pretty happy with himself.

"Hey Ross, you're in a good mood." I wiggled my eyebrows at him with a wink, "Have some fun with Julie today?"

His face fell, "No, actually wi-" At that moment the intercom buzzed. I put up a finger to Ross and walked to the intercom.

"Who is it?" "Bleecker Street Pizza." "Great, come on up." The delivery lady came up and I paid her, then she left. Everybody grabbed a slice and started eating.

"Anyway, what were you saying Ross?" I asked.

"I was saying that I was with Rachel."

"With Rachel where?" I frowned and narrowed my eyes at him. "At the coffee house?" He nodded. "What made you happy Ross?" I placed my plate down and pinned him with a stare.

He squirmed a little bit, "Uh…well…here's how it happened."

 _*Flashback Begin*_

 _Central Perk is closed and Rachel is cleaning up before completely closing shop. She is wiping down the counter with her back to the door. Ross enters the shop and stands behind the couch._

 _"Sorry, we're clos-" she turns and see Ross staring at her and said softly, "Hi."_

 _"I didn't get a cat."_

 _"Oh, that's um, interesting."_

 _Ross is getting frustrated now, "No, no it's not interesting. Okay, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting."_

 _Rachel is getting frustrated as well, "All right, I got it Ross."_

 _"You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me."_

 _Rachel looks hurt now, "What?"_

 _"I was doin' great before I found out about you."_

 _Rachel is yelling at him now, "Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?"_

 _Ross is giving no quarter, "Then you should have said something before I met her."_

 _"I didn't know then," she pointed at him now, "and how come you never said anything to me."_

 _"There was never a good time."_

 _She scoffed, "Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night."_

 _"Not, not, not every night." Ross defended feebly, "You know, and…and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel." He is getting a second wind, "But things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiancés or, or, or Italian guys."_

 _"Hey, there was one Italian guy, okay, and do you even have a point?"_

 _"The point is I…I don't need this right now, okay, it, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed"_

 _"Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?"_

 _"Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it."_

 _"All right, fine, you go ahead and you do that, all right Ross."_

 _"Fine." He starts walking towards the door and Rachel follows him._

 _"'Cause I don't need your stupid ship."_

 _"Good." Ross is walking down the sidewalk now and Rachel yells after him._

 _"And ya know what, now I've got closure." She slams the door and locks it. She walks over to the couch and buries her face in her hands and starts to cry. Ross came back and stood outside the window looking in. Rachel gathers herself and begins to walk to the counter but stops since she sees Ross standing there. She goes to the door to let him back in but can't seem to get all the locks._

 _"Try the bottom one." Ross says. She unlocks it and opens the door._

 _*Flashback End*_


	5. TOW with the List

"And, uh, then I kissed her." Ross finished.

"Tongue?" Joey asked before I could speak.

"Yeah."

"Cool."

"No! Not cool. Ross, what were you thinking? Have you thought about the consequences of this? What about Julie? How is she going to take you cheating on her? Are you going to break up with her and date Rachel? And if you decide not to, then how can Julie trust you again? And what about Rachel? If you decide to date her, how is she going to be able to trust that you won't pull the same stunt on her?"

"Umm…I don't know. I didn't really think about it." He shrugged.

"That's not an excuse, Ross. That girl in there," I pointed to the door signaling the apartment next door, "has been pining and been jealous for months. What you did tonight was completely immature and selfish. I'm going to give you some advice. When you are dealing with people's feelings especially ones that you really care about, it is absolutely imperative that you try to think of all possible outcomes. You may not be able to predict everything but playing the long game mitigates any damage that are a result of the decision. If you want any relationship to last then you have to put the other person's needs before your own. Only then will they respect you enough to follow your lead."

"Hey! I did think it through. Like I said I wasn't able to get a cat with Julie. I spent the rest of the day at my apartment thinking about what happened this morning."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "and look what you decided to come up with? To yell at Rachel for even having feelings for you. That kiss was completely in the moment because you couldn't stand seeing her cry. No thought involved." Chandler and Joey were off to the side looking uncomfortable.

"Yeah, well. What do you know? You've never been in a relationship before, so how could you possibly know what a relationship entails. I've been married before and I have a kid so I would think I would know more about relationships than you do."

"Really?" I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Let's look at how that turned out. Divorced before you're 30 and a child out of wedlock. Just because I have never been in a relationship doesn't mean that I don't know what constitutes a great one. I have learned from many other's mistakes so I'm already better prepared for the day I am in one." I grabbed my jacket and started towards the door. I was halfway out the door before I turned back to him.

"You know that I am right Ross. You know that Julie was always a rebound for you. You have two choices now; either continue dating Julie, or break up with her and start dating Rachel. Make the decision quickly." With that I slammed the door and walked back to my apartment.

Once I got there I locked the door and just went straight to bed but I was restless the entire night. Ross had unfortunately hit a sore point. _It wasn't that long ago when you were unwanted and your self-esteem was at an all-time low. Being the only smart kid in your town you get bullied a lot and start thinking why everyone you meet hates you onsite. Took yourself years before you got the determination to fix your image, but just like a picture people only see that one moment of perfection. It doesn't mean that the hurt ever really goes away. You still think of yourself as the nerdy kid with the glasses and buck teeth and wonder if you will ever have friends that will see the real you and whether you will ever have that special someone that truly loves you for you and not the image you project._

I eventually fell asleep but not restfully knowing that I would have to see Ross again when I am still mad at him. The next morning I went through the normal routine and decided to go to breakfast at Central Perk. I walk in and see that most everyone is there. Phoebe is setting up to play while Joey and Monica are on the couch reading the paper.

"Hey guys." Phoebe waves as I sit down on Joey's right on the couch. We ordered some coffee and food. Phoebe joined on the arm of the couch, while Monica and Joey were looking for jobs in the paper. Chandler then walks in excitedly carrying a laptop with him.

"All right, check out this bad boy. 12 MB of RAM. 500 MB Hard Drive. Built in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS."

"Wow," Phoebe said, "What are you gonna use it for?"

"Games and stuff." He says lamely.

Monica huffs and puts her paper on the table, "There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me."

"Oh wait, here's one." Joey looks at Monica, "Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?"

"There's an ad for a naked chef?"

"No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then…" Joey rubs his fingers together imitating getting a lot of money.

At this point Ross walks in looking distraught. "Hi"

"Hey," Phoebe replied, "oh, so, um… how'd you make out last night?" Everybody chuckled.

"That, that is funny. That is painfully funny." He said with a false cheery voice before his face changed completely and went back to distraught, "No wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful."

"Wait a minute." Monica moved closer with concern on her face, "I thought last night was great."

"Yeah, it was, but… I get home, ok, upset with Daniel and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. Then I realized you were right," he looked straight at me, "sorry about that by the way" I waved him off forgiving him and he turned back to the others, "And I'm thinking to myself, oh my God, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?"

"You got all that from saline solution?" Joey asked confused.

"Wait a minute," Monica continued, "We're talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel."

"Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie," he raises one hand, "so it's like me and Julie," he switches hands and raises it and keeps going back and forth, "me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and…" He jumps up suddenly looking behind Chandler to where Rachel just entered carrying supplies, "Rachel. Rachel, Rachel."

"Hey you." She says timidly looking at Ross.

Ross' face softens, "How are you?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Good."

Julie enters the shop and greets Ross, "Hi, honey."

Ross casually looks over, "Hi Julie." Then his eyes widen and he becomes nervous, "Hi Julie. Julie, um, how are you?"

"Good." she says as she walks to hug him.

Ross looks uncomfortable, "Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe?"

"Oh, well, actually…" but he impatiently interrupts her, "Play it." "Ok, all right." She walks over to the microphone.

Joey turns to Julie as she sits down, "Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses."

"What?" but Ross shushed him before he could say anything else.

Phoebe finally got up to play her song. "Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, two of them kissed last night."

She started singing while all our eyes, except Julie's, widened since she was talking about Ross and Rachel. "There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy, let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real." She went on to retell the events of last night and finished with, "Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one we'll call Ju..Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!"

Monica, Joey, Chandler and I just looked really uncomfortable while Rachel was looking everywhere else but at Ross and Julie. Ross was silently seething while Julie was completely oblivious. After that we quickly left to go about our business since it was getting awkward to be in the coffee shop.

The next day Monica went to a chef interview where she came back and told us that she had to create Thanksgiving themed recipes using a chocolate substitute.

"Okay," she said excitedly, "I need some test subjects for my food." Before she even finished speaking Joey, Chandler, and I rushed out across the hall.

"Boy we really dodged that bullet didn't we?" I said.

"Yeah we sure did." Joey replied.

Not too long after that Ross showed up all agitated and was pacing all around the room. "I don't know what to do? What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare."

Chandler grabbed 2 drinks from the refrigerator and handed one to me as he took on a sarcastic tone, "Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight."

Joey was sitting next to the countertop where Chandler's new computer was. "Hey, here's a thought, Ross," he said as he touched the computer.

"Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer." Chandler said as he looked sternly at Joey.

Joey turned in his seat to face Ross, "Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome." _Oh Joey._ Ross just looked insulted.

"I don't really get what there is to think about, Ross. You already know the answer, but if you want to, we can get logical about this. Make a pros and cons list of dating either one."

"Yes," Chandler replied as he moved towards his computer. "We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column."

Ross moved towards the fridge, "Can't we just use a pen?"

"No, amish boy."

"Ok," Joey said happily, "let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first."

"I don't know," Ross said reluctantly, "I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes."

Joey nodded and pointed to Chandler as he typed, "You could say that."

"And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress."

"Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom?" We looked at him like he was crazy. "Or we could keep doing this. What else?"

"I don't know."

"You can't just look at the current situation but the future as well." I said, "For example, say you decide to start dating Rachel. Right now she is a waitress but you know that she is not going to be doing that forever. She has only just a year ago started living on her own so she is still finding her footing. She is still trying to find out where her career should be. Julie though has her life pretty much already set. She is in a job that she loves which she also shares with you. So the job 'con' is negligible since there is still potential for greatness there. Any other cons?"

"Oh. Her ankles are a little chubby." Joey said.

"Ok, Let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?" Chandler asked.

There was a long pause as Ross contemplated his answer before sighing, "She's not Rachel."

I looked Ross in the eye, "I agree. Julie is the "safe" option for you since you know for sure that you could be happy together and not have as many problems but the thing is, Ross, is that you don't have the same deep connection with her like you do with Rachel. You have a history, a past together. All of these other relationships that you have had has never matched up to the ideal relationship you have envisioned with Rachel since you were 15."

"You're right, you're right. I'm going, right now to Julie's to end it." Ross grabbed his coat and with a finality walked out of the apartment.

For the next couple of hours Joey and I helped Chandler set up his computer so that it would work with his printer. It still wasn't working right so Chandler was calling the customer service.

"I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hotline you're not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?"

Ross entered the apartment with a melancholy look.

"Hey, so," Joey said, "how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart?"

"Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing."

Chandler still on the phone, "So, Spock actually hugs his father?" At that moment Rachel walks into the apartment. "Hey do you guys have…" She pauses as she spots Ross, "…Hi."

"Hi" There was palpable tension in the room as she realized he still had his coat on.

"Where you goin'?"

"I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's."

"Oh." She said dejectedly.

"No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing."

"Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?"

Joey and I were getting anxious looking between Ross and Rachel.

"Just spit it out already, Ross." I said.

"Well, uh."

Joey finally got fed up waiting for him. He slammed his hand on the table with a smile on his face towards Rachel, "He broke up with Julie," He pushes Ross towards her, "Well, go hug her, for God's sakes."

"Really?" She asked hopefully.

"Really," he confirmed, "It's always been you, Rach." They hugged.

"Ohh" The three of us said together

"Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good." She said as they pulled apart.

"I know, I know. It's…it's almost.." Ross then turned around and noticed us behind him and staring, "What do you say we take a walk, just us, not them?"

She chuckled, "Okay. Let me get my coat."

"No. Hey, I'll go get your coat." Ross walked out of the apartment.

"Ok," she said in a bit of a daze then grew very excited as she hopped around the apartment, "He' goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable." She then turns around and sees Chandler's open laptop screen. "What's that?"

"What? Nothing." Chandler quickly runs over and closes the laptop.

"What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?"

"No, no, see?" Then the printer starts to run, "Hey, it's printing," then our eyes widen as we realize what's printing. "Hey, it's printing!"

"Well, what is it? Let me see."

Ross walks back in with Rachel's coat in hand. "Hey, someone order a coat?"

"Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see."

"He won't," then he remembers what it is, "He won't! Because isn't that, isn't that the, short story you were writing?"

Chandler is looking nervous, "Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing."

Rach looks a little happier now and asks, "And I'm in it? Then let me read it."

"No!" We all said together.

Rachel looks so confused, "Come on."

"Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?" Chandler, Ross, and I turned to glare at Joey who gave us wink and a head nod thinking it's a great idea.

Chandler grits his teeth, "Alright." Ross seats Rachel in the nearby armchair and Chandler cleared his throat. "It was summer and it was hot. Rachel was there." We all pointed to her but she did not look impressed. "A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The End."

"That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world." I said.

"All right, you know what? This is isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it." She grabbed the paper out of Chandler's hand.

"No, you don't." Chandler grabbed it back and passed it to Ross, who passed it to me as he held out her jacket, and I passed it back to Joey.

Rachel slowly took her jacket and started walking to the door, "All right, you know what, that' fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it." She quickly grabs the paper out of Joey's hands and runs around the room avoiding us as she reads it for herself.

We all stop as she finished reading it. "What is this? Ross, what is this?"

"Bye" "Good luck." Joey pats Ross on the shoulder as he and Chandler exit the apartment.

I turned to Rachel, "Rachel don't be upset with Ross. It was my idea and I forced him into looking at his feelings for the both of you in a logical manner. I'm sorry." Rachel slowly nodded but she was still looking toward Ross for an explanation.

I nodded as I turned and patted Ross on the shoulder, "Sorry, Ross." and left the apartment.

I headed to the coffee shop where Chandler and Joey were already there. I sat next to Chandler on the couch and soon after Phoebe and Monica walked in, sat on either side of Chandler and I and started asking about a list. We explained the story to them.

"My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary."

Monica patted him on the knee, "You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency."

"I…I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus." Phoebe said.

"Hey," Joey said, "cut him some slack. It was Chandler and Daniel's idea."

We side glared at him as Monica and Phoebe exclaimed, "What?!"

"Oh good, We were hoping that would come up." Chandler said.

"This was you guy's idea?" Monica asked.

"What were you thinking?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler squirmed. "All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason."

"Yeah. You!" Monica exclaimed.

"Come on," I said, "it's not like everybody else doesn't do the same thing. I know for a fact girls do the same. You guys always see if he is handsome, sweet, kind, has a good job etc. Especially the good looking part. We just took it a step further and wrote it down."

"All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok?" Chandler continued, "You believe in that karma crap, don't you?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head, "by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle."

Chandler and I sighed as we tilted our heads back on the couch.

I turned to Monica, trying to change the subject, "So, Monica, how is the recipe creation going?"

"Hm, about as expected with such a terrible product. Mocholate tastes so crappy that it is so hard to create recipes for it. I have to find a way to mask the taste." She said.

"You could use smaller quantities or even use some stronger tasting food that might cover it up." I suggested but I shrugged, "It's up to you though."

After a little bit, we moved back upstairs to Monica's. As we opened the door we could hear Ross seeming to be yelling. "Number six: the way you smell." He wasn't in the living room but his seemed to be coming from the balcony. We moved to the window and Joey pulled the drapes up.

"Hey, Ross!" He said, "What are you doin'?"

"Hey, Joey," he said with a 'really' look on his face, "You wanna open the window?"

"Oh, yeah, I do." Chandler was the closest so he opened the window while Monica grabbed a towel from the bathroom since it was pouring rain outside.

"What are you doing out there?" Chandler asked.

"I am, uh, I am…"

Monica motherly nature came out to play, "Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot mockolate?"

Ross ignores her and runs to Rachel's room and knock on the door. "Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, Rach. You got to give me another chance."

Rachel opened the door, "No"

"No?"

"That's what I said."

I interrupted them, "Look, maybe we should go?"

"No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're done talking."

"Rach, come on," he pleaded, "Look, I know how you must feel."

Rachel seemed to be near tears at this point, "No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world, not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reason not to be with you."

"No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things."

"Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross." As she was speaking Joey and I motioned to others to head for the exit but before we got more than a couple of steps away, Rachel suddenly exclaimed as she looked towards us, "I said 'Don't go!'" We all swiftly moved back to our starting positions.

"You know what? You know what? if, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you."

"Well, then, i guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list." She closed the bedroom door in his face. Ross sullenly walked back and sat on the table in the living room. Silence ensued for a moment as we processed just what happened

Joey quietly whispered to us which wasn't as quiet as he assumed. "I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know?" Ross stared blankly at him, "Maybe a little longer."

Ross got up and left the apartment. The rest of us still felt awkward with all of the tension so we all silently left to our places.

About 2 days later Chandler, Phoebe, Joey and I were at the coffee house when Monica came in. "Hey Mon! how did you presentation go?" I asked.

"It was ok. I got paid for it but I might develop some health problems."

"Oh," concern etched on my face, "why is that?"

"Apparently mockalate didn't get its FDA approval. When I was leaving Mr. Ratstatter's office, he asked me if I ate a lot of it. When I told him I ate some he looked relieved and said that 'some is not a lot' and seemed very happy about it. Then he grew concerned again and asked if it burned when I peed. At that point I just numbly shook my head and walked out of there."

"Oh, wow, well at least it is not long lasting. As soon as it leaves your system in about a week then you should be fine."

Later that night I was in my apartment just listening to music when something interesting came on.

"This next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him." Then 'With or Without You' begins to play.

After another minute or so the music abruptly cuts off, "Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore." _Wow she is really not letting this go anytime soon._ The radio host continues, "Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out." _How is what Ross did worse than getting hit by a car?_

Within the next couple of days Monica gets called back to create more recipes for a different product but is unable to do it since she is allergic to the product itself. Ross and Rachel are still barely speaking and interacting with each other but Christmas draws closer so hopefully that will lighten everybody's mood.


End file.
